Saw a video from years ago…9/11 - taken by a bystander, he caught a close up clip of a person falling out of one of the buildings. It wasn’t like watching a bird from far away, it was watching a person falling to their death.
It made me sick to my stomach.
It made me start to think, about death and life, why the world is so cruel, why am I lucky to have been relatively safe so far, how painful their death must’ve been, how scary death must be.
I thought about my brother dying. Was he scared? Did he know what was happening? Did it happen so fast that he had no terror? I know he had pain, he had a heart attack.
My brother has experienced the great ending of what we know….we all must go through it and it is terrifying to me. In my thoughts right now, my fear doesn’t matter though, my sorrow for what my brother must have experienced in his last moments are what run through my mind.
When my brother died I thought about the sadness I had for missing him, the sadness that he was gone, the sadness that his life was cut short for him, his children, his family.
Tonight I think about my brother’s death simply from his perspective. He no longer exists, his life essence gone, made to sprout, grow, die. To become part of everything and nothing.
I mourn for him so deeply with these thoughts. I hope he wasn’t afraid, I hope he found peace.